Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Randomize
