your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Even my vagina gasped.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
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