what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
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