Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
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