My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Randomize
