I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
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