Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
high people should be assigned attendants
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Can't talk, ducks in the car
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Randomize