Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
Randomize
