wat bout pragnant strippers??
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
