I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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