...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
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