I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
that is very illegal...i love you.
Randomize
