And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
