I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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