Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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