Grow some girl-balls and come out already
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Randomize
