I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Randomize
