Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
