He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
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