how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
