So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
