I feel like I'm in dance class right now
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
