You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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