If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
