I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
