Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Randomize
