we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
