Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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