Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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