So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
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