I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
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