She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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