I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
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