she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
