I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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