8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
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