i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Randomize
