Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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