i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
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