she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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