You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
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