The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
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