WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
