fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
