i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
