we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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