I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
They took my balls.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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