I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Randomize
