she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
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