I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
We need to get me chipped asap
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize