Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
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