I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
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