I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
It was a blind-side dick pic.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
