eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
