We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Randomize
