that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
