he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Randomize
