Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
