Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
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