I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
