she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Randomize
