I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
