It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
There r osticjed everywhere
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Randomize
