is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
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