you're like a bully in the Christmas story
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Randomize
