I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
