when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Randomize
