I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize