i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
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