not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
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