so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
