She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Randomize
