Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
