My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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