He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
