I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Randomize
