Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
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