I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Randomize