man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
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