Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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