beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
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