So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
