if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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