my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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