Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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