You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
