At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Randomize
