mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
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