apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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