So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Randomize
