i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
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