Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Randomize
