I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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