the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Randomize
