I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
the day after is always just damage control
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
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